The day after the funeral..

I didn't sleep all that well, I kept dreaming about Cleve and how he was in the same room as I was and I could feel his anger towards me....it made me think.."what did i do?" When I would wake up suddenly I would look around my room then turn over and cuddle with my teddy bear then try to go back to sleep and then do it all over again, I even remember at one point in my sleep I said "I'm sorry." I just can't think straight and since I'm going back to school tomorrow I have to get my sleep. Family is what is keeping me sane and Jakob. I did the most painfullest thing just for Cleve, I stayed in a pair of heels from 11-4, I was walking around funny and sitting down whenever I could. I'm going to miss him. He had a military funeral, with the flag folding which was given to Karie, his wife, and Justin, the marine who was a friend of Cleve, gave Cleve's cover (his hat) to my mom and I didn't know it was the one he was holding in his coffin so when I held it I felt different in some weird way. After the funeral was over and everyone left I drove by it and I saw that they put his flowers on his grave, it looks so pretty and they had a bugle playing while they were folding the flag. Before they closed his coffin forever I walked over looked at him and said "I love you Cleve." He use to call me baby girl when we talked on the phone he'd said "alright well I gotta go, I love you baby girl." I will forever be baby girl.