Bad dream..

Well I had a nightmare last night but this one wasn't about Cleve, in my dream I woke up to this creepy man staring at me at the end of my bed well I woke up screaming and it scared my mom so she kept asking "whats wrong?" and I just kept repeating "turn the light on!!" It was around 4:30 when that happened, I was shaking and on the verge of tears because of that dream...I fell asleep later on in school but no screaming!! WOO.

First day back...

Well today was my first day back at school, it wasn't all that bad my first block class was OK we read a book about Emmet Till...that poor kid, in second block the class took a test so I didn't have to take it so I did two chapters of vocab while listening to my Zune but when third rolled around I was tired so we did the work and i fell asleep and woke up with four minutes before lunch then after lunch I walked with Jakob like we usually do then went back to class checked the work we did and then went to my fourth block class...SPANISH! I'm not good in that class and yet I'm passing with a C...yeah I'm shocked too, I checked my test then colored a page of duckies...XD. All my teachers were really nice and they understood what Im going through and their letting me do my make-up work at my own pace. My life is going to be tough without Cleve, I had to drug myself last night so I wouldnt dream about him, but before I fell asleep I still wouldnt open my eyes. On the plus side I think my mom is reading this....HI!!!

The day after the funeral..

I didn't sleep all that well, I kept dreaming about Cleve and how he was in the same room as I was and I could feel his anger towards me....it made me think.."what did i do?" When I would wake up suddenly I would look around my room then turn over and cuddle with my teddy bear then try to go back to sleep and then do it all over again, I even remember at one point in my sleep I said "I'm sorry." I just can't think straight and since I'm going back to school tomorrow I have to get my sleep. Family is what is keeping me sane and Jakob. I did the most painfullest thing just for Cleve, I stayed in a pair of heels from 11-4, I was walking around funny and sitting down whenever I could. I'm going to miss him. He had a military funeral, with the flag folding which was given to Karie, his wife, and Justin, the marine who was a friend of Cleve, gave Cleve's cover (his hat) to my mom and I didn't know it was the one he was holding in his coffin so when I held it I felt different in some weird way. After the funeral was over and everyone left I drove by it and I saw that they put his flowers on his grave, it looks so pretty and they had a bugle playing while they were folding the flag. Before they closed his coffin forever I walked over looked at him and said "I love you Cleve." He use to call me baby girl when we talked on the phone he'd said "alright well I gotta go, I love you baby girl." I will forever be baby girl.

Rest In Peace Cleve.

Im sitting on my couch drinking coffee. Today is gonna be a long one: my brothers funeral is at 11 well 2 then to the cemetery to bury him then i dont know what im going to do till the party in his honor. Today was really hard, seeing cleve in a coffin really bothered me. He was my hero, and your not suppose to see your older brother in a coffin who is only 9 years older than you and your still a teenager.

Im sitting on my couch with my baby, life is getting better for me.

Rain

Well me and my mom are about to go to the florist to get flowers for Cleve, then we have to go shopping to get clothes for the funeral and funky shoes for Cleve, he liked doing that ha ha, he would be in the nicest looking outfit and have on funky shoes so a few of us are going to do that., and to top it off its suppose to rain all weekend. It stormed yesterday and it hasn't even started to pour yet but it's looking like it's going to be ANY minute now..

The End of My Night

Well this is the end of my night. I'm really tired so goodnight to all my little ghost. I'm just testing out this text blog thing, it works pretty good but since my phone is lame, its really hard to text something long so whenever i do the text blog thing it will not be long in fact half of this was added on the next day.

My first post!!

Hello there, my name is April K. If you want to know a little about me then here you go...I am 16 I turn 17 on May the fourth, I have 3 older brothers..I just lost my oldest brother on April 20 Th, he was a marine, he was injured on April 1st 2006 he survived a road side bomb and overdose and god knows what else and if you knew how he died you would even say "oh my gosh." His name was Cleve, he was my hero if you were lucky to know him then you would always have fond memories of him, I will miss him more than anything in the world, moving on to my next brother who is MATT!!! Matt is pretty much the trouble maker in the family (we're the only red heads in the family) he has a QUICK temper but deep down inside he's another person you'll be glad you knew. On to Chris my last brother, he's the giant of the family, and the youngest of the boy's. He can throw some punches well pretty much all the boy's can, he's really smart and knows a lot about History..it makes me feel really dumb when I'm near him. Well now my turn, like I said I'm 16. I have a boyfriend and he is the BEST, his name is Jakob, and yes it has a K in it. I've been told I'ma little weird then yet again I'm very weird,I'm a very interesting person and if you stick around you will get to hear me talk about my friends, other family members and of course...HIGH SCHOOL.